Playing mind games with yourself

How many of you out there do this?

I definitely play mind games, not with others, but with myself. I am the queen of convincing myself of things!

But the mind is a powerful tool and these “mind games” can be put to good use. Sort of.

It’s really all about outlook.

Nomnomnom

Nomnomnom

I had a friend message me on facebook the other day asking for my honest opinion about my mental and physical health after the contest. Well, if I’m being honest, both suffered. I went from enjoying healthy food in moderation and maintaining a rocking physique, to feeling like I had to eat everything in sight IMMEDIATELY because I would be dieting again soon. Except that the feeling of “OMG I must eat ALL the ice cream NOW”, didn’t go away as easily as I had hoped.

I can honestly say that I think I am back on track now (and that includes tracking my food so I can be accountable). There was a mental shift a week or 2 back where I stopped thinking about the imminent “diet” and started remembering my love of health.

I am doing some soul-searching and trying to decide whether I should do the fitness show in the summer as I had planned, or maybe wait until next fall and give myself some more time to prep. I’m hoping that if I come in slower that maybe I won’t rebound as much, both with my weight and my mental state.

Some things that I noticed change in the last 2 weeks that really signaled that I was back in a healthy state of mind were:

– I started looking at myself in the mirror again… naked. (overshare?) When I was in competition form, every morning I would look at myself in the mirror, practice some posing and take an objective look at areas that could lose some fat, areas that need to fill in and areas that I was straight up proud of. But for the past few months I have avoided this because I don’t like seeing the weight gain reflected there. About 2 weeks ago I started looking again and decided it wasn’t that bad, and that I have actually managed to put on a lot of muscle with the unfortunate accompaniment of fat.

– I started weighing myself again. Again, I had a ritual in competition prep and long before that, of weighing myself frequently. I had been avoiding this because I knew that the number would freak me out. But you know what? It’s just a number. I’m not ok with the fact that I have gained weight after my competition, but I can’t just pretend that I haven’t. So the scale has come out of hiding.

I want those abs back!

I want those abs back!

– I started looking back at picture from the contest and planning how to get back there… slowly. Avoid, avoid, avoid! I had stopped looking at pictures of myself and even of some of my fit inspirations on facebook because I just didn’t want to think about it. Maybe I would suddenly look like that again without thinking about it? Ummmmm, no, that doesn’t work.

So now that my head is back to normal, my body will hopefully return to equilibrium too. Once I’m back at my “sweet spot” for my weight (you know that spot where you’re body just naturally likes to chill?) then I’ll evaluate when and how I want to compete next.

There, brutal honesty. Happy Thursday!

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8 thoughts on “Playing mind games with yourself

  1. Rose, I adore you and love how relatable you are. It’s inspirational that you can be so unflinchingly honest about your eating fears. As someone who struggles immensely as an emotional eater, a boredom eater and a binge eater, it actually helps to see someone who is accomplishing so much in the fitness world still struggle with these issues.
    It reminds me that the struggle is the point, and that it makes our successes (big or small) all the sweeter.

    No matter what setbacks you have, you’ll have a lot of people waiting to prop you up again with support.

    Thanks for being motivational even when you’re laying it out like this.

    • You have no idea how touching that is. I appreciate it so much. All I hope for is to help people understand that it IS hard an that you WILL struggle but that it’s still worth it and you can do it 🙂

  2. Pingback: Mind Power Games | The Best of Me

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